your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't turn off my feet"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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