I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
