Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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