sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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