I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
