We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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