i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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