nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
