i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
