Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
