I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
