and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
