They should really pass out barf bags in church
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My bed smells like the plague
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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