so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
