I think i peed on brittanys purse
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
