I have demons in me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
