i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
