I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
