I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
