I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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