This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
