he thought i was a dude.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
