you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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