so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
