She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
