oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
