Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
