she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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