Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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