Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
