i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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