i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
