i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
