Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
