Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
