What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
