Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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