you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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