he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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