He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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