Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
