I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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