ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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