i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
