You're so nebulous sometimes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
