I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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