i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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