I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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