she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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