I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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