I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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