You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
