I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
