just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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