I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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