Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
