they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
