We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
