around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ladies don't puke and tell
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
