You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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