Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
