thus making me awesome and them whores
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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