so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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