Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
