HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
