on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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