Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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