mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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