I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
