Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
