i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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